


At The Back of My Mind

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 15:49:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2234631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Eren was my brother.” It comes out before I even give it permission to. But it makes Eld stop moving all together, and that’s all I need right now. But we were just getting started… If I wanted to keep him where I wanted, it was going to take a lot more than that.<br/>“Your brother, huh?” The blond asks, hand coming to rest on the top of his chair. He places the recorder back on the table and turns it on with a press of his thumb. He slides it towards me and asks, “Anything else?”<br/>“If I have to say how everything began, I might just as well start off here.”<br/>I take in a great breath and tell him everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At The Back of My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> (I still need to add a lot to this chapter, but I really wanted to upload what I had tonight.)  
> This work is based off of the PS game Beyond Two Souls.

I stare down at the tape recorder that’s set on the cold, scratchy metal table in front of me, listening to the sound of the film turning ever so slowly inside that beat-up plastic case. I watched it go around and around so many times that when a hand came down to press the STOP button, I flinched in my chair. The rough groan of the seat’s legs sliding against the concrete floor set a bad feeling in my stomach.

“Levi.”

I felt like crumpling when he called my name. I stared at his hand on the recorder instead of his eyes, knowing what’s to come if I give in and meet his disappointed gaze. A particular cut on his calloused thumb peaks my interest, and I took note of the fact that it was still trying to heal.

He calls my name again, this time with more authority, and I can’t help but let my shoulders slump. He sounds so much like him it hurts.

“I know,” I answer, voice sounding so fragile compared to his. “I know,” I repeat, and let out a breath that shutters like pages of a book being flipped as it passes through my chapped lips. “I guess… I guess I don’t know where I should start.”

“How about you start by telling me about Eren?”

When I don’t answer, the man tries again.

“What was he like?” I can hear him shift in his seat, and I copy him, letting my arms fall onto my lap, fingers entangling with each other instantly. Like weeds. “Did he ever speak to you? How.. How did you two come to meet?”

My body tenses under his regard, but I make no attempt to hide my obvious discomfort. I start to grind my teeth in my skull, and the man across from me leans back in his seat.

“I’m sorry,” He apologies, voice low. I look up at him, shooting him a pained look. “It’s just that we need to learn as much as we can, and with… With Erwin gone—“

“Don’t… Don’t, Eld.”

The man holds his breath at my harsh tone, but eventually gives way. He mutters something to himself, and brings the recorder closer to his being. “Alright, Levi,” He announces, voice tired. “I’m sorry…” He stands, chair making the same horrid hiss that mine had earlier. “I’ll go send in Detective Ha—“

“Eren was my brother.” It comes out before I even give it permission to. But it makes Eld stop moving all together, and that’s all I need right now. But we were just getting started… If I wanted to keep him where I wanted, it was going to take a lot more than that.

“Your brother, huh?” The blond asks, hand coming to rest on the top of his chair. He places the recorder back on the table and turns it on with a press of his thumb. He slides it towards me and asks, “Anything else?”

I nod. “If I have to say how everything began, I might just as well start off here.”

I take in a great breath and tell him everything.

\--

  
“Your new doctor seems nice, honey.”

I meet my mother’s eyes, noticing how the lights in this area of the lab made them look like sunshine was filtering through a wine glass. Stray strands of blonde hair laced her face, framing her like a painter would frame his most prized works—wrapped in golden curls and immaculate details, all pulled together with sharp edges that still managed to be gentle in contrast to the actual work itself. That’s how I viewed my mother-- she was utterly perfect in my eyes.  
She smiled down at me, the gesture disguising the fact that she looked exhausted. I doubt she got any sleep last night. I don’t blame her. We rarely got to sleep anymore. We just never talked about the fact that we didn’t. “I really think that this is going to be a big improvement, don’t you? We needed a change… And Doctor Smith seems to do so well around boys your age.”

I shrug, trying my hardest to act like I was interested in what she was saying. She’s trying to help me. I know she is. And I should be grateful that she’s been going through so much and so much money just to start to break the surface of this giant glacier. But it was hard to keep a happy face on when all I heard anymore was Doctor or test. So many tests… “I guess,” I answered, resisting the urge to frown.

“You’ll see what I mean when you meet him, Levi.” Her smile started to fade, and she took her seat next to me, letting her purse rest on her lap. “Things are really going to change around here. I just know it.”

I nodded my head, trying to drag this out as long as I could. With a grunt, I pushed myself off of my seat, and made my way down the hall, looking longingly at the one that held EXIT above it before I knocked on the door that read “Erwin Smith” instead.

A voice called back in answer, but it was muffled, so I barely caught what it had said. Assuming what only one could assume, I turned the handle on the door, spine tingling as an air lock hissed out a gush of wind into the hall behind me.

I shut the door behind me, and turned to meet my new doctor that my mom had such high hopes for.

“Holy shit,” I mumbled.  
A pair of brilliant blue eyes offered a smile, his full lips following suit seconds after. The angles of his face were so sharp and well defined, and I found a hard time willing myself

to look anywhere but there as I slowly studied him. His nose was long but sharp like his gaze, and his hair was so neatly pulled back that I found myself to become self-conscious about my own appearance. Everything from his pressed shirt to the bolo tie that rested on his chest screamed organized. The last thing I would have guessed for this man to be was a doctor.

“Levi,” The man greeted. His voice was deep and gravely—something that surprised me for someone who looked so young-- but still managed it to be welcoming. It gave me the shivers just listening to it. “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you. My name is Erwin Smith.” He stands from behind his desk-- which was nearly as neat as his attire, holding files well sorted and a computer monitor that held a screen saver that bounced from corner to corner soothingly--and extended his hand. I walked forward numbly to take it into my own. His grip was strong, but didn’t last nearly as long as I would have like it to. “Please, sit down.”

I do as he asks, taking the seat directly in front of his desk. I dared to take my eyes away from him to survey the room quickly, taking in the papers tacked to the walls, what looked like hundreds of books lined up behind me in cases, and various high-tech equipment that held purposes that I couldn’t even begin to understand. I came back to meet Erwin’s eyes, and found him to be studying me intently.

I swallowed.

“Your mother has told me a great deal of things about you, Levi,” Erwin states plainly. I nod, somewhat confused by his tone. “Says this is your last year of high school?”

I nod again, some of my hair getting into my eyes. “Yeah,” I mutter. “I start again in about two weeks.”

“You excited?”

“Excited to leave, more like it,” I joke, but my voice is void of humor.

The man in front of me smiles. “Do you not like school, Levi?”

I shrug. “It’s fine. Not much can be done about it.”

Erwin leans back in his chair, still trying to get a read on me. “Your mother also stated,” He continues, “that she thought it would be best if I spoke to you for a while—got to know you. She believes that I’ll be able to help.”

“No one’s been able to so far,” I said indifferently. I’ve heard this so many times before that I had begun to get sick of this whole ordeal. In a couple of days, I’d be shipped to another facility and be forced to go through the same operation. “I’m a hard nut to crack.”

“Try me,” Erwin tested me, tone still managing to be friendly.

I let out a sigh, eyes narrowing down on him. “It’s not that easy.”

“Why not? Because Eren won’t like it?”

I tense, blood running cold at the mention of _him_. Of Eren… “No,” I state bluntly, hand rubbing absently at something on my arm. “No, he won’t.”

\--

I call out his name. It’s become a sort of mantra now: a rhythm that settles well on my tongue despite the circumstances. Yelling for him feels right in a strange way. It feels like I’m calling home. The steady wind whipping past me makes it hard for my voice to travel far, but I know he can hear me. He always knows when I call.

“Eren!” I try again, my voice sounding high in my head. “Eren! Mommy says dinner is ready, Eren!” I can’t see much from the porch—everything is covered by a haze of snow and icy blasts of wind.  But I know instantly that Eren isn’t where he’s supposed to be.

“Go outside and look for him, honey,” I hear my mother instruct from inside the kitchen. “I’m sure he’s just gotten himself into something again.”

I don’t remember how I got in the middle of the street. The next thing I knew I was there, looking down at a slumped over figure, watching as something red pooled from the hood of their coat, matting the fur there.

“Eren?” I called, but nothing came out except a strangled whimper. My knees gave way, and it was then that I realized that I was shaking like crazy. The icy wind kept scratching at my face, but everything felt so numb that I barely even felt it.

I looked around on the snow-covered road for help, barely even noticing the tire tracks that swerved around us. I couldn’t see a single soul through that thick storm.

“Eren,” I try again, going back to my brother. I go to turn him onto his front, and I’m horrified at how easy it is compared to when I have to wake him up in the morning. He flips right over onto the snow, his skin unnaturally pale, and pained in a deep maroon. His eyes are open, and he’s not exactly staring _at_ me as much as he’s staring _through_ me.  He looked, seeing nothing.

This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.

Something drops on his face, and I realize that I’m crying. I bend over to pick him up, my gloved hands scrambling to get a good grip on him. His body is limp in my arms, and his neck bends back so far I think it might fall off. “O-Oi,” I call for him, voice as limp and weak as my brother’s body. “Eren, wake up… Y-You’re scaring me.” I dig one of my hands out from under him and use it to wipe away some of the snow from his face. “Come on. Wake up. We’ve gotta… we’ve gotta go eat dinner…” I knew what had happened well before I went outside our yard. But it took the clumsy silence of Eren not calling back out for me to finally accept it. The realization slowly started to dawn on me, and that’s when I started screaming.


End file.
